Mourning at Memphis

I woke this morning to the stark reality I have been ditched!

I had many different feelings, some sad but some even really angry. 'Send back all the photos of you I printed so carefully, saying, give these to your next conquest!' These were not charitable thoughts however, so I abandoned them pretty qucikly. 

But part of me is angry at myself for letting me get into this situation so easily. Totally seduced at someone's funeral, by the actual person who was grieving! How stupid is that! But of course I felt sorry, as well as lustful, for this beautiful Asian man who came onto me as though I were the man he'd been waiting for. And eventually I actually thought he was the one I had been waiting for.

Emotions are fickle, and life deals blows to the unitiated that are hard to recover from. But of course I am recovering and writing this post is part of that. I feel for Y, that although he spent two years caring for and waiting for his lover to pass on, he wasn't able to accept the fact that now he is free to find another person he has the total blessing of his former lover. But he can't, and that's the sad reality for me.

What can one say? Grieving needs a lot of time and I said when I met him he needed twelve months to sort himslf out. And I'm sure he does. But will I be still there in the wings waiting? I doubt it. I have learned a lesson and it is one that has come to me before - stop being the saviour and get on with my life. It was good he realised early he had made a mistake before my emotions were totally in chaos.

In the end I must say I am extremely happy that this quick and passionate affair has resulted in me staying in this  wonderful town, and Memphis is always there for me - no worries!

Front page footy drama, normal...

....a tent city to buy tickets, back in the days

The music is loud, as always, but changing constantly, and stimulating the baristas to keep on top of their job serving some of the best coffee in Wellington, which is the acknowledged coffee capital of New Zealand, if not the Southern Hemisphere. The coffee, coupled with the variety of great music, makes this cafe such a welcoming place to be every morning, and the sight of all their faithful customers is always a delight to witness. Viva Memphis! 

'I won't forget to put roses on your grave!' belts out on the sound system. Poor  Yono!

OZ pays up for abuse, but more to go..

Russian astronaut in the clouds..

Young Rugby talent always there

Vale Y!

To numb my thoughts and indugle in others' emotions, I decided to go to see 'Far From The Madding Crowd' a Thomas Hardy classic book made into film. I hope it will somewhat assuage my feelings which I am trying desperately to ignore in the wake of the 'Dear John' letter I received this afternoon from Y. 

It is hard to believe, but with another Gemini, anything is possible, and I knew the risks before I went into this rash relationship. My mind said the worst would happen, but as always, I went with my heart. Did it break, yes, and no, as by this stage in my life I have had so many similar experiences I am getting quite used to them. But it is still a life-changing moment, to fall in love, and out of love, in a period of only five weeks, with two of them spent in another country.

What can I say, 'It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.'

However apparently,Bathsheba Everdene, the heroine in tonight's story, makes some ill-advised choices also, so I will be happy to share them with her. Carey Mulligan stars and I do like her very much, so I am hoping it will be a good choice. I may even cry, but then, tomorrow is another day!

Well I certainly didn't cry and it had its good and not so good parts. Directed by a Scandinavian and based on Hardy it was never going to be a laugh a minute, but it succeeded in having a happy ending in spite of many problems along the way. Such an epic book is hard to condense into two hours and even then it was slow but quite rhapsodic. The cinematography was high art and fabulous and the acting very good, but it didn't quite hook me. Only three stars, could have been better.

Sunny winter's day, with consequences.

Am realising my trek along the path of my new relationship is not going to be simple, and not always easy. I have to readjust my thinking, and certainly become supersensitive to his needs at this delicate stage of his life. Losing a life partner after forty years needs some time to recover from, and this is the real situation. Patience and sensitivity are my by-words, but 'never give up' is my motto!

My first view in the morning..

Footy final on front page..

Anita arrives for her Mocha..

An Aussie visitor Maxine, with her 'fluffy'

On June 27, 2015 it seems that the Euro died. Well this is how Greece sees it on the verge of total economic exclusion, not being able to repay any of its 1.6 billion Euro debt to the Common Market. Britain is no doubt smiling that it hasn't changed its currency although who knows who will be bailed out at the last moment. There are many billionaires in the world today who could come to the aid of an ailing country, but of course they don't want to. 

Europe is in a sad state there is no doubt. Last light at my Waiata group a newly arived German, intelligent, skilled and escaping from an economically unsound Europe, is so happy to have this antipodean island with something to offer him, even if it is just a three month working visa. He wants to stay here, there is no doubt about that.

I have broken my promise to stay silent with Y as I thought this was the best way to go, but I gave in and wrote him a short email saying please write me a note to say he is OK. He is being totally silent which is always difficult, especially when one is a communicator. I will patiently wait to see if he replies or not. Of course there is always the possibility he is not reading his emails these days!

Anyway, all will be revealed in the fullness of time, and I am happy to be back in this sunny and friendly city.

Four hours later and all has been revealed. My email to Y prompted the reply I needed to hear although it was a terminal one. Meaning that it's over, splatcch, kaput! The fragility I knew was there was more than just that, he is unable to relate on a normal level, still being in the throes of grief and loss. 

But this was more than a just a fling. It was something that had to happen, for both of us. For me it was to decide to stay in Wellie, yay! 

And for him, well, time will tell what Y will take away from it, as it was his call, not mine. All I can say is, 'May the blessings be'. 

Now on with my uncomplicated and single life in Wellie and I wish him all the best.

A new week, a new life in Wellie

Am at Memphis as though I had never ever considered leaving Wellington. Paris and Gideon are efficiently making their perfect coffees and I squeeze into a table and take my regular Versato.

Another regular, whom I now meet, whose name is Anita, sits opposite me and we chat as we have many times before. She, like me, has a soft spot for the Memphis and she orders regularly her Mocha. I tell her about her namesake Swedish beauty of the fifties Anita Ekberg, who died this year aged eighty three, penniless in Rome, the site where she made cinematic histoy in Fellini's classic feature movie on the decadence of Rome, 'La Dolce Vita', by walking fully clothed in a strapless evening dress into the Trevi Fountain. This photo was etched into the memory of every cinema goer of the sixties.

News of yet another terrible massacre in Tunisia

But Rugby gets page one...

Real Estate always to the fore in Auckland..

Kiwi and Dutch entrepreneurs in the coastal townof Herbertville

Back page Rugby too

My coffee friend Anita....who is a typical example of the friendly and unassuming nature of the Wellingtonians.

I am quite sure as I acquaint my many friends with my reversal of decision that they will be as happy as I am with the result. I have cancelled my plan to go to Waiheke Island now as I am in no hurry to do that and felt silly placing any pressure on Y to accompany me, when it is patently obvious he has a million other things on his mind at the moment.

It is necessary to be more patient and certainly have fewer expectations with this relationship which is in such early and fragile days that I need the skills of a hot-house gardener to tend it. I tell myself it is time to pull back, he needs more space to himself, and when he is ready he will appear.

So on with my always busy and enjoyable life in this wonderful city. Tonight my return to Tiwhanawhana with also my good news for them I am sure. 

Night 'n Day at Aro Valley

I have such a vague memory of yesterday... a most beautiful day where so much happened that needs to be recorded... 

Yono as Indonesian dancer...

Morning farewell from the balcony......where I passed a most memorable evening, and night, with an amazing man who made it the best I could ever have dreamed.

A later photo of Yono with Jack and friend

Yono's young FB photo...

The evening began at Floriditas on Cuba Street, the venue of an earlier date we had had. The same waitress served us, but tonight we both had the clam chowder soup which I had enjoyed so much the first time. We also had a plate of wilted greens - kale and spinach salad - and a small dish of French fries. It was a very pleasant meal, although the fries were too much for both of us to consume. Tonight the Campari and soda went missing, replaced by a cranberry juice in its stead. It was to be an alcohol free evening.

Time with Y passes so quickly as we do not know each, and there is so much to tell and to discover. He has had a most interesting life, and there is still much more to come.

We finished the meal quite early to go home where Y prepared a beautiful cup of fresh ginger, lemon and orange hot drink, with a spoon of honey. It was really the nicest I've ever tasted.

We talk and laugh, tell stories and exchange tales of our most disparate lives. But all is totally understood and accepted in the most delightful way. The night passed in the best possible way, and about nine o'clock in the morning it was time for a fresh cup of excellent coffee made by Y, followed by muesli, and also a hard-boiled egg. Quite a solid workman's fare.

It was time to say goodbye as we both had many things to do. So I took my leave and asked him to consider, later in July, a short trip to Waiheke Island to see his friends, and me to see mine. I suggested it may be a delightful opportunity to get to know each other on neutral ground, and also to have a break from Wellington. We'll see what eventuates, there is no pressure and no rush, but life is looking decidedly sweeter. What a lucky man am I!

Back at Memphis

Well it didn't take long to get back to the Memphis. A bit of socialising with the housemates, all good there, they are happy I am coming home, then a load of washing in the sun to dry in an hour or two, and on with Bella into town. Tom texted me to say he would come for a coffee and chat, so we are back to normal. It's as if I had never left for two weeks in Sydney. Will see him tomorrow along with Lesley, and Ron on his return from Thailand.

Jerry still on the front page ,

Memphis still buzzing

Peter Jackson's Middle Earth Mansion

Kiwi pays heavy price in Cambodia

Memories of when I danced with Nina Simone in Kings Cross in 1967......not the perfect Mum it seems...

Tonight is my first time with Y for two weeks. It will be an interesting encounter at Floriditas, the venue of our first 'date'. Hopefully it will be as good as the first one....

Last day in OZ

My last night is at Anne and John's in their lovely home at Thirroul. As an old school chum, John is possibly my oldest living friend, and I have seen him pass through many of life's changes, some at a distance, but one up close and not the least -  the arrival of his beautiful baby boy who was delivered into this world carrying Down's Syndrome. 

Anthony is an absolute delight and now at 22 years of age, is functioning far better than I would have ever dreamed. This is in the large part due to the sensitive and intelligent upbringing he has had, from especially his Mum. She is to be congratulated and also John who has matured into a much more sensitive human being because of the presence and love of Anthony. It was  a joyful visit and I appreciate their friendship very much, unconditional as it is.

This morning I was taken by John for a drive to Mt Keira to see the fab view of the Wollongong coast and then we went down to the foreshore to Belmore Basin for a nice coffee, sitting in the warm sun and getting toasted. It has been a perfect warm winter's day. A light lunch offered by Anne and I now am on the train to the airport.

Now for windy Wellington!

My separate granny flat...

Camellia on the sill...

..with John expounding

..and Anne cooking.

Midnight and back in my Wellington bed. The heavy rain has just begun and I feel really at home.Looking forward to seeing Y tomorrow night at Floriditas. Am feeling as if I have not even been away, it's funny how you get used to the bad weather, and appreciate the good when it does appear!

Thirroul -with Hedimo and the Dening Family

Today, my second last day in OZ I am visiting old friend JD in Thirroul. It is ages since we caught up and I really want to see how his son Anthony is going.

But first I am able to visitgood friend Hedimo, also at Thirroul, who meets me at the station to take me a short walk back to his fab house in the rain forest. He and Nick have been there five years and this is my first visit. We have a beautiful cup of Twinings tea and some home-made cake and corn bread. And then he produces a beautiful soup...what a great cook he is. We catch up after such a long time and his news is all good and positive. He loves living in Thirroul and is now looking for a job at W'gong uni. 

We give JD a ring to come around to pick me up which he does and then H makes another cup of tea. It is an excellent opportunity for JD to meet a friend of mine from my later life as he only knows me from St Eddies' school days. The meeting is an unqualified success. I return back to JD's where we chat and wait for Anne to come home with Anthony. She has already cooked a lovely chicken and we eat a fab meal, chatting and being impressed with how much Anthony has progressed. He shows enormous talent as an artist and a dancer so I encourage them to pursue his talents which I think they will agree to do. Sometimes when one is too close one can't see the forest for the trees. 

We also call Bev Hull in Sydney, whom I met in NZ at the ballet, to introduce her to Anne and Anthony. They get on well and maybe one day they can meet up when the time is right. It was a plan I made weeks ago when we met up 'by accident' in Wellington. Bev's daughter Beth also has Down's Syndrome and is a delightful girl.

View from H's balcony..

..H's living room

My good and talented friend Anthony Dening

Bondi Junction

This is really my first coffee venture on this trip, and it seems to be OK. 

I am meeting A for lunch somewhere nice, with views of the harbours she says, and later am off to Stonewall to have a big 78ers reunion and talk with old mate Garry W. So the the day is already shaping up. So have found a cafe in Westpac shopping centre and ordered a long black, see pic. It is OK, and the barista, Chinese, knows his trade.

Pattison's at Bondi Jn

Good barista..

Am anxiously waiting now to get back to Wellie. Two weeks has been too long, just as ten days in the West was too long. When will I ever learn? However making the most if it I am catching up with people I would otherwise have missed and today's meeting with Garry will be interesting. He is the author of the Gay History of Sydney, something which I suppose I have participated in, in my own way, like the meeting of tonight where those who took part in the very first Gay Pride March are coming together to meet and tell the younger generation what happened. It's something which I will take back to Wellington with me as the same things happened there too, and the young must be reminded of the travails of the past, and that it was not always beer and skittles.

My decision to stay in NZ is now firmly entrenched, whatever the outcome with Y. I still harbour hopes in that direction but all is not dependent on that. The lack of family on this visit has shown me just that they are not always there for me as I thought they were, and that my chosen 'whanau' is where I am going to put my energy. It is a radical change from former thinking, but I feel strong and secure that it is right, although it is a big challenge for me. However it is exciting to contemplate, whereas the return to Gosford is a return to old ways and a comfortable life and in a humid climate that I don't at all like. I will now gladly put up with the wind in Wellington, and take the effect of it as a cleansing ingredient to my life. After all, I have never been healthier since I arrived in these windy islands. My family will eventually no doubt visit me there one day when the climate is right for everyone.

Well back from the Stonewall and it was less than enthralling so G and didn't stay too long leaving the die-hard activists there to stroke each other's egos.

Another sunny day, in Manly

Today is a test of flexibility as I am again in the Central Coast train at 8am to revisit Malcolm in Woy Woy to retrieve my two Macintosh chargers I inadvertently left in his power board yesterday. However it will give me yet another opportunity to have a coffee and a chat with him, always a source of pleasure and information. I have managed to put back my RV with Simone to 1.30 at Manly Wharf, so all is good. It is a salutary reminder for when I do serious travel, i.e. next month to Birmingham, that these rechargers are number one in my travel accessories - never to be forgotten. I may even buy an extra cable and keep it for emergencies permanently in my back pack.

The purple seated carriage, a quiet one.

Last night on ABC telly I caught an excellent Four Corners program about a man with a disability who has just published his autobiography and called it 'Ugly'. Not a very encouraging title, but one under which he has led all of his forty-five odd years. He was born with a large tumour on his face resulting in a grotesque deformity which needed several major operations to remove and then more serious cosmetic surgery to replace both his eyes which were originally on each side of his forehead. But wait, he also had no legs! This man Robert Hoge, is a prodigy. His mother, at first in total shock with already four children below ten, frankly in her detailed and exquisite diary, relates how she wanted him to die, but on a unanimous family vote they kept him, and thank goodness for that. 

This chirpy, super-intelligent child has grown up to have two marriages, two children, and an enormously productive life. He wears two protheses on his knees which allow him to walk unaided, and his attitude is so positive he shames the rest of this so-called 'able' world. As a result of the many facial reconstructions  he has an unusual face, but his lovely young second wife has expressed how handsome she finds him, and sexy, which I must say, I did also find him.

Bravo to the ABC for showing this amazing man and letting people know how lucky they are, but really, how prodigious he is, to have surmounted such amazing setbacks in life. He would he a great man to meet one day. He was written about by famed journalist Hugh Lunn, who went on to become a good friend of his, and I believe a literary mentor, as he, Robert, is now an acknowledged author with his published autobiography.

Needless to say, this was a salutary reminder of how lazy I am in the writing department, as that is my next goal, something which I will pursue and hopefully reach, in New Zealand, my newly adopted country.

Return trip, busier, sun still shining

Circular Quay...

Past the sails....

...in our wake.

Lunch with Simone, Arnaud Camille et Morri 

Some happy PNGers enjoying Manly

At the Manly wharf I caught up with my dear friends Simone, her French hubby Arnaud and their two gorgeous kids, Camille et Morri. We had some clam chowder soup at the nearby Bavarian Bier Café and Arnaud insisted on inviting me. It was a delicious soup and the company was delightful  - so nice to see them after so long away, it was a  really happy lunch and they were all in great form. Thanks so much to them, merci, mes très chers amis, and Camille and Morri are really beautiful.

Back after a long day to a quiet evening in front of the telly, but nothing much on so I can read the book M kindly gave me, a very humourous short tome by an incredible English cad, but with pen of an angel, called Simon Raven.

Woy Woy Bay

Wow, my visit to Woy Woy Bay has had quite an effect, and on me.

My good friend M has been a real activist recently, and it is for a necessary and praisworthy cause. It is the matter of unrecognised grief for those who have commited suicide after having been sexually, emotionally and physically abused in their extreme youth or teenage years. This unheard group needs to be acknowledged and remembered with a national memorial service by the churches who were responsible, individually and collectively, for the deaths by suicide or resultant alcoholism or drug addiction leading to premature death. He has, after dozens of (some fiery) phone calls and emails, won the first round by getting the Anglican Primate of Melboure to agree to an October day of remembrance with a service to be held commemorating their deaths and the reminder that we must be forever vigilant. 

The Central Coast Anglican Church is also participating with an ongoing discussion to hold a similar Memorial Service in Gosford, with he, Malcolm, writing the service and delivering an address. After all, he is one of the survivors of much abuse and a few suicide attempts in his earlier life. The wounds are deep and enduring, and this abuse is well known to retain a veil of silence and secrecy brought about by the shame and guilt cast upon the victims themselves. The perpetrators remain safe for the most part, hiding under the protection of their churches. What an absolute sham is this hypocrisy and evil that the churches function under where some continue to deny their absolute complicity, especially the Catholic church.

View from Taylor Street

Brekkie over....

Some of M.'s great art collection..

...on the net checking provenance.

What we will do for the awful toll of suicides after abuse...we need a memorial service to help heal the wounds..

Soldiers Point

Arrived yesterday by train and bus to see my dear friend in her once hidden retreat at Soldiers Point,a peninsula  just north of the very popular retirement resort of Nelson Bay, four hours north of Sydney.

It is in an exquisite area but becoming more and more developed like most beautiful natural places. J's 1930s house is one of the few original ones left, with stark concrete monstrosities appearing all over the place, and unfortunately,  right next to hers. She has constant ongoing disputes with her one neighbour who most recently has taken to surreptitiously poisoning some or her very old eucalyptus trees which he decided he didn't like.

It is an unforunate situation, but J is brave and as well as fighting the neighbour, she is actively pursuing litigation against the developer of the nearby Marina who wants to double its size, thereby  encroaching on not just the natural habitat, but getting dangerously close to an Aboriginal owned island very close by. It is indeed a saga, and stuff that films are made of à la Erin Brokovitch.

After a nice brekkie we went for a long stroll on a cloudy,  but happily dry, morning, to look at the beauty and the disfigurement of the area. She is right, the beauty is nearly all gone. As Bob Dylan sang, 'When will they ever learn'...

Brekkie, by J.

View from her veranda......a dying tree!

Sadly gazing at the beautiful bay

..another dying tree!

Last night we had along catch-up as I haven't see her since the tragic death of her daughter, dying from bulimia. A brilliant troubled girl whom I knew quite well and who could never tolerate the many injustices in the world around her. So in effect, she just signed off. J has recovered somewhat fromthis horrific loss, but it is always good to talk and she doesn't have too many friends to do this with. She was like another daughter to my dear Mum, so she is a veritable sister to me.

She spoils me with lovely cooking, steak and kidneys last night, and today more fish for an early lunch before I resume my travels to vist M in Woy Woy Bay whom I am very much looking forward to seeing. Lots to talk about with him and his partner D, a Kiwi originally from the southern tip of the south island, a place called Bluff, famous for its fabulous oysters.